Help with perspective?


Hi everyone,

I've been working with a physical therapist on my grade one cystocele and "slightly bulging rectum and uterus" since I had a very large baby over a year ago. My prolapse comes and goes, and usually doesn't bother me too much, but I find myself completely consumed by thoughts of how it could have been avoided. When I was in labor, I pushed for 3 hours and nothing happened. The baby wasn't moving. At that point, the doctor forcefully pulled him out of me with a vacuum. 3 weeks later, I noticed the prolapse. Because my doctor wouldn't discuss the details of my labor with me, I never found out why she just didn't do a C-section. And that has been plaguing me ever since. I literally think about it all the time. I feel like this could have all been avoided if I'd had a C-section.

I'm wondering if anyone out there has had trouble with letting go of such thoughts and what they did to get past them. Also, if anyone knows about the process of deciding between vaccumm and C-section, and why an OB would go the route of violent force rather than a C-section? Also, if anyone has any perspective on whether this could have been avoided? Maybe it couldn't have been? My baby was 9.5 pounds and I am pretty small. Anyway, I would love to hear any advice/thoughts anyone might have to offer.