Telling Partner About Prolapse


If you remember me I am the 21 year old gal with vulvodynia/VVS and a high rectocele. I am always very honest with my boyfriend, about everything and he is very supportive. I had absolutely no problem telling him about the vulvodynia and VVS. When it was at the worst point, the vaginal burning so intense I really couldn't handle it anymore, I w ould just cry and cry. I was in so much pain and my boyfriend would come over and hold me and rock me. So I have no doubt about how supportive he is. however, for some reason I cannot bring myself to tell him about the rectocele. For some reason, I would feel very uncomfortible telling him, so yeah my rectum is pushing into vagina and causing quite some problems for my phsycially and emotionally. I have definitly stabalized my prolapse to the point where I no longer have any problems on the toilet and I can hardly feel it but it still bothers me. I remember visited the doctor about this problem she said to me, "Oh my god, what's wrong with you? This isn't supposed to happened to young girls. It only happens to older women." I'm a very confidant young woman but that comment bothered me. I don't appreciate being judged that way and I guess maybe I'm afraid my boyfriend will judge me? I'm not sure. I guess I'm not really sure if this is somehting I should share with him, he's not my husband, it's my body but I feel like it's wrong to keep it a secret. This normally doesn't bother me that much but it's been weighing on my mind more and more lately as he's been discussing the possibility of getting married and moving in together. Please tell me your thoughts about this.

Hi Mermaid,

I hope you get other responses to this because mine is only one of several possible viewpoints. Since you feel your condition to be stabilized, it’s not interfering with your sexual relationship, and you know how very common it is (we’ve had nineteen year-olds with rectocele write in – your doctor needs to get a life), why bother mentioning it to him? You have the stabilizing force of your uterus and broad ligament, and you are now aware how to manage your symptoms (NO STRAINING ON THE POT!!!), so it’s not like the rectocele is ever going to become a huge, ghastly balloon that would impede on your quality of life.

It’s wonderful to find a truly loving and caring husband, but all men (and vise-versa) deserve a woman who is as healthy (emotionally, too) as she can be and is not overly concerned with herself or her symptoms. Keeping this little bit of privacy may be good for your own sense of strong self and it may also be good not to burden him with more than is necessary.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

Mermaid, I’m SO GLAD you’re feeling so much better!! Yours was one of our heart-breakers. Yeah!!!!!


Hi Mermaid,
I am with Christine on this one, you really don't need to tell your boyfriend at the moment if you aren't comfortable doing so especially as he wont even notice! You may well find that you are able to tell him eventually when you feel ready. It is so hard dealing with these things anyway so don't put yourself under any more unnescesary pressure, (I know easier said than done), this isn't an awful secret which is going to change the way he feels. When I realised what was going on "down there" I was so upset and couldn't imagine how my husband would react, of course he was wonderful. I think that most men don't really see this in the same way as us. I really don't think they think of this as such a big deal! (I know this is a generalisation but men don't seem to obsess about the same things as us women do). Your boyfriend sounds loving and kind and has supported you beautifully and I feel sure he will continue to do so!
Big hugs and thinking of you, gosh if I had been as wise as you at 21!!


On the one hand I agree with what the others have to say about it not being neccesary to tell him because men are a bit clueless down there.

I practically had a day long symposium on my urethra prolpase with my partner. I showed him close up- with mirrors. He touched it etc and since being together he says he would never in a million years have known as it's pretty mutch all a sorta dark mushy (in a kool way) area basically to them! (hope this isn't too graphic!) :)

It sorta makes sense. I think we're so used to seeing all and being able to touch everything to very discernably with me that we forget it's really not the same deal with them, except for with breasts.

On the other hand if you simply want or feel the need to share then that is a god route to take to..

I think men can often wonder what's the deal in terms of thinking of these things a little like a bit of architecture glitch! And often wonder what's the dael with us women (when there's no pain involved) re this issue, if it's stabilising especially.. so maybe this will be his take on it too.

These days I like to go with that sorta view too- with a dash of positivity and holisticism thrown in, (took a while however).

By the way what you said about your doc didn't shock me. Many of them really need major human interaction reprogramming. And it reminded me of what my osteopaty told me recently.. She said she keyed in the words " i hate doctors" into the google search engince out of curiousity regarding what that sentiment would get in hits.

I think she said she saw 6 MILLION postings on that! Woh.

Best Wishes

Oh and your guy sounds so lovely!